The Return
by JaneDoh
Summary: Navigating the fleet towards Earth is an easy task compared to dealing with the other dilemmas in Kara's life. Kara/Sam, Kara/Lee. Set after season 3.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Return

**Title:** The Return

**Author:** JaneDoh

**Disclaimer:** Does anything even need to be said here? I mean, duh, it is FANfiction.

**Dedication: **This story is dedicated to Rarge. For being such a pain in the arse and insisting I watch a show called Battlestar Galactica. Thanks mate!

Sam glanced around furtively then leant ever so slightly towards Chief before speaking, as though those extra few inches would somehow grant their conversation more privacy. 'I don't know how much longer I can handle this.' He tried to portray a nonchalant demeanour, one elbow resting against the side of the viper as they talked, in the hope that to any unobservant passer-by it would appear as though two friends were merely having a chat. But from Chief's proximity, he could see the nervous shake of Sam's hand and the dark circles that framed exhausted eyes.

Chief wiped the grease from his hands, keeping his attention focused on the rag as he responded barely above a whisper. 'We're all doing it tough, Sam.' The tone of his voice carried a sense of understanding, yet it couldn't completely quell the anger that also lingered. 'But we can't talk about this out in the open.' He looked at Sam then, determination in his eyes. 'We made our choice. And we have to carry on as though nothing has changed for us…all four of us. You know how much is at risk if anyone finds out who we really are.' He bent down then, sorting through an array of tools that lay sprawled on the ground below the viper, trying to regain the normality his life had held a few days earlier: before Sam, Tori, Tigh and he had shared their revelation.

'I know,' Sam began, crouching down until he was level with Chief, 'but I just need to know that it isn't just me having these nightmares…these blanks in my memory where I'm not quite sure what I've done…these…_compulsions_.' He spat the final word out, as though disgusted that his brain was rebelling against him. 'I mean, it isn't even like a tiny voice in my head telling me what to do, because I could handle that – just ignore it and carry on – it is like a…' he paused for a while, struggling with how to explain the irrationality of the whole situation, '… a knowing. And it is getting worse.' Chief looked up from his tools then and saw the hopelessness in Sam's eyes; the same emotion he saw in himself when he looked in the mirror each morning as he willed himself to make it through the day despite the chaos that resided within him. 'I feel like I am fighting myself.'

'Well, we just have to,' Chief hissed through clenched teeth. 'I'm not willing to give up everything because some frakking switch flipped and wants me to betray who I am. Do you?'

'Of course not,' Sam retorted, his voice involuntarily rising in agitation. 'But that is my whole point. It is as though this _is_ who I really am. And what scares me is that I will do something terrible, but will _feel_ it is right.'

Chief wanted to confide in him: that he knew exactly how Sam was feeling; that he also feared how long he could resist; that he sensed the intangible barrier between the four of them and everyone else on Galactica. But this was no time for a heartfelt conversation about how they were dealing with their new-found knowledge. He looked towards the back of the room and caught Cally's eye as she walked towards them, a slightly questioning expression on her features. 'You just gotta deal with it,' he managed to utter before his wife was within hearing range.

'You nearly finished?' Cally asked as she neared the two men. 'I was just about to go and get Nicky.'

'Yeah, my shift actually finished fifteen minutes ago. Some knuckle-dragger can finish up here.' Chief grasped her hand, squeezing it gently. 'Let's go get our son.' He briefly glanced sideways at Sam, an almost imperceptible nod indicating his acknowledgement of what they were both forced to cope with, before following Cally into the hallway.

XXXXXXXXX

Everything was changing. Kara sat on the edge of her bunk, staring blankly at the floor as she pondered over that fact. Since she had returned, it was as though she had come back to a community where everyone looked the same but acted differently. Although she had been cleared of being a cylon, she may as well have been one: the suspicious stares and guarded whispers of the other members of Galactica were a constant reminder that she would struggle to regain trust and credibility amongst her colleagues. A sarcastic laugh escaped her lips: her reputation was already tainted enough, so what harm could one more indiscretion really add?

Sam was clinging to her as though their twisted past was all forgiven and he would be there to protect her from now on; it was almost suffocating. Strangely comforting at times, yet suffocating. And that love that she had felt for him back on New Caprica was re-ignited; even if not as intense as before, it was definitely there. The realisation that she may never have seen him again had softened her a little – not that she would ever admit it – and she felt a slight guilt at what he had endured during her absence and the tumultuous months preceding it.

She remembered when she had gotten out of that viper four days ago. Despite Lee informing Galactica that they were coming home, it wasn't until the crew had visual confirmation did it really sink in that she had returned, and although her initial impulse guided her to Lee in an ecstatic embrace, she soon spied Sam over Lee's shoulder, walking towards her in disbelief, and the strength of their vow to each other hit her full force. She recalled her hands dropping limply from Lee's back as he released her; the controlled walk of Sam as he moved closer; the numbness in her legs as she stood there in anticipation; the solace of his embrace as he pulled her tightly to his chest. But in the last week, she had noticed the slight seriousness to his personality emerging more often, the carefree and optimistic Sam that she had initially fallen for slowly retreating. At times there was almost a haunting sadness in his eyes, as though he was battling his own demons. She shrugged to herself; maybe that was part of the appeal. Typical Starbuck: feeling more deserving of a broken Sam and the uncertainty that came with it. It was a familiar emotion for her so she felt a warped sense of comfort from the predicament.

And then there was Lee. Although it was only a brief hug, the intensity of it spoke volumes. Despite the overwhelming feeling of relief that accompanied it, there was also the merest sense of possessiveness. It was probably a good thing that she spotted Sam when she did, because she could have allowed herself to become immersed in the moment, a little too easily. But the conversation between her and Lee that last time before she had gone missing was the verbal indicator of what fate had planned for them: that the paths they had chosen denied progression. And she hadn't seen him since her return, but whether by chance, or by a pointed effort on his part, she wasn't sure.

Kara sighed as she lay herself down on her back, her feet dangling over the edge of the bunk. Why did things always have to be so complicated? She had thought several times over the last few days that maybe it would have been better if she never returned at all, but then she reminded herself that those thoughts were just a product of her selfishness. She had a mission to guide the fleet to Earth, and if there was one trait Kara Thrace possessed that could be relied upon, it was an unwavering determination to carry out her duty.

XXXXXXXXX

It had to be close to twenty-three hundred hours. Kara was sure that by now the rest of the pilots would be spilling alcohol around the triad table, falsely accusing each other of cheating before laughing the incident off and pouring another round of drinks. She partly wished she was there, letting the alcohol addle her brain and the raucous behaviour drown out any thoughts of her own. But it was still in that awkward phase since her return, as though she was the new kid at school with a jaded reputation; hopefully it was a feeling that would fade with time. She was stirred from her reverie as she felt the back of Sam's hand tracing down the side of her cheek.

'What you thinking about?' he asked, as he smoothed his fingers over the worry lines that furrowed her brow.

She sighed slightly before rolling over till she was perched above him. 'Nothing,' she lied, scrunching up her nose as she smiled down at him. They probably had a good hour before the first of the crew came stumbling into the room to pass out for the remainder of the night, but the curtain was already drawn, just in case. Her elbows rested either side of his ribcage, allowing her to prop her head up while the remainder of her naked frame rested upon his. She ducked her head down and kissed him on the tip of his nose. 'Why? What were _you _thinking about?' She saw that light-hearted smile spread across his face before he snaked a hand behind her neck to pull her closer as he softly pressed his lips against hers. It was moments like this that reminded her of when they were first on New Caprica, able to explore each other without the worries of defending humanity to haunt them. His hand slid from her neck to her shoulder, brushing past the patch stuck over her shoulder blade. She could feel his fingertip following the edges of the patch as he pulled back slightly. She slowly opened her eyes to gaze into his, and saw that recent seriousness overcome him.

'Have you considered taking this off at some point?' She gave him a short laugh in response, but when he didn't share her reaction, she tried giving him her best you-must-be-crazy look.

'You do know what this is for, right?' she asked half-joking, unsure of how genuine his question was.

'I was just thinking that maybe since all that has happened lately, you might have changed your mind.'

'Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?' She tried to maintain the playful banter, but Sam wasn't faltering from his question and she was no longer able to hide the slightly confused expression from her face. 'You never mentioned anything about this before.'

'Maybe some things have changed since you were gone.' She could see there was something more that he was not saying – he had never excelled at lying to her. His eyes quickly flicked sideways before returning to look into hers and he continued as though he was trying to justify himself. 'I mean, we know where Earth is now. So once you take us there we will have a permanent place to settle. I just thought that now the future seems more stable, you might have considered it.'

She gave him a pointed stare, with just enough seriousness to let him know that his request was not going to eventuate. 'Sam, it's a ridiculous idea. I'm a pilot. The amount of G-forces I pull in that viper would crush his little skull. And you know I'm not going to give up flying.' She felt an uncharacteristic pang of guilt as she saw the defeat she had caused, but she knew it was better to settle the issue now before it progressed; hopefully he would forget about it soon enough. She despised the awkward silence that now lingered between them, so tried to make light of the matter. 'You don't want to end up with a dim-witted child do you?'

She could see him debating the idea, before reality appeared to win the argument and his carefree smile returned. 'Hey, I never said he had to take after his mother.'

He was ready for the playful slap aimed at his head and grabbed her wrist, tracing his thumb over her palm before bringing the back of her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. She responded with a cheeky grin. 'Well, at least you haven't managed to ruin the mood completely,' she conceded. He mirrored her smile then shifted until he was on top of her, kissing her deeply as his hand followed a line down her sternum and over her stomach.

XXXXXXXXX

Sam rubbed at his eyes, blinking several times until he saw his own image reflected back at him in the mirror of the deserted bathroom. He had no idea what time it was. The haziness in his brain was gradually subsiding, but regaining control of his senses was doing nothing to explain why he was alone in the bathroom with the contents of Kara's toiletries bag scattered before him and blood trickling from the tip of his index finger. He automatically shoved his finger in his mouth - the rusty flavour insulting his tastebuds - before dragging it out to inspect the damage: a deep cut in the pad. He rummaged through Kara's bag with his uninjured hand until he found a bunch of sticky bandages scattered at the bottom and pulled one out, wrapping it around his finger. There was only a single drop of blood on the bench in front of him; obviously the cut had distracted him from whatever it was he had been doing. A small blade snapped from a razor rested beside a neat pile of Kara's patches. Sam tentatively picked up one of the squares from the top of the pile, turning it over in his hands. He had never really taken a detailed look at one before, but it appeared the same as any other he had seen. He carefully placed it back and moved his attention to the blade, holding it delicately as though one false move may double his injuries. There was a tiny spot of blood at one end.

_What the hell have I been doing?_ He wasn't granted much more time to ponder the issue as Racetrack stumbled into the bathroom, her toothbrush clenched in one hand. Sam had enough time to shove everything back into the bag before her eyes focused.

She gave him a tipsy smile. 'I can't get to sleep with the taste of ambrosia still in my mouth.' She made her way to the nearest sink and steadied herself against it then held the tube of toothpaste in front of her, squeezing it with a look of concentration. Despite her determination, only half of the toothpaste actually made it onto the brush, the remainder plopping into the bottom of the sink. 'I thought you headed off to bed ages ago,' she slurred through a mouthful of paste. 'You and Starbuck have another fight?' she questioned, laughing at the thought. Obviously she was one of those people whose tact went out the window when they'd had too much to drink.

'Yeah, she stabbed me,' he responded dryly as he made his way out the door, hearing her laughter echo through the bathroom. Sam wasn't overly concerned with their exchange - it wasn't like she was even going to remember the conversation the next day; she'd be lucky to make it back to her bunk in her current state. He continued down the empty hallway, his mind in tumultuous debate. No matter how hard he tried, he had no idea how or why he had ended up in that bathroom. But the most important thing now was to get that bag back to Kara before she noticed it was missing. Hadn't Chief and he just had this discussion about acting normally? And here he was, creeping down a darkened hallway in the middle of the night with a woman's toiletries bag clutched in his hand.

_Nice work, Anders, _he chided himself. And it was only as he made his way back into the bunkroom did he realise that he didn't even know how he was going to get the bag back in Kara's locker. Concluding that he didn't really have an option at this point, he edged his way into the room, willing the hatch to close as quietly as possible behind him. He quickly scanned the room. Every curtain except two was drawn: Racetrack's and Kara's. He quietly made his way to Kara's bunk, thanking the gods when he noticed the sheet was resting just below her neck. It wasn't as though the other members of the room hadn't copped an eyeful of each others' bits in the past – it was basically unavoidable every now and then with the living arrangements – but the thought of a drunken nugget ogling his wife was a little disconcerting. He carefully tested the locker door but it was firmly shut so he tried deciphering the numbers but it was too dark. He scanned the rest of the room and noticed a small gap between the end of Kara's bunk and the lockers, deciding to hide it there for now until he could work out the locker combination when there was more light. He placed it in the space then stood up, resolving to head back to his own quarters and make his excuses in the morning. He tugged at the curtain before he left, failing to notice Kara's hand resting against it, and she stirred at the sensation. She groggily peered at him through one eye.

'You're half naked,' she stated plainly, doing her best to whisper in the semi-darkness. Sam looked down, realising for the first time that he was in his underwear. She made a feeble grab for his hand as she began drifting back to sleep. 'Get in before someone notices.' She yawned as her eye drooped closed and Sam could hear her breaths deepening before he had even finished squeezing beside her and closing the curtain.

XXXXXXXXX

Kara grabbed for her bra and tank top that were tangled amongst the sheets at the foot of the bunk, performing a minor contortionist act to dress herself in the confined space. The first sight that greeted her as she climbed over an exhausted Sam and emerged from behind the curtain of her bunk was Hot Dog rolling his eyes as he spotted the visitor.

'No wonder you didn't turn up at the card game last night,' he teased. 'Seems you had a better offer.'

'Jealous?' she retorted as she made her way closer to him. 'Don't worry, we weren't doing anything while you were in the room.' He was almost a foot taller than her, yet she emitted a formidable aura despite her smaller stature. 'So you'll just have to have a wet dream about something else.' She gave him a falsely sweet smile before patting him on the cheek then turned and headed towards her locker to retrieve some fresh clothes. She actually grinned as she made her way to the locker: teasing and innuendo were her forte. She preferred people outwardly giving her crap than forced greetings and false smiles as she passed them. Maybe things were getting back to normal - well, as normal as could be expected. And it was also her first day back in the viper. She was actually looking forward to her day for the first time since she had been back on Galactica. However, her happiness was short-lived as she opened the door to her locker.

'Very funny guys,' she shouted to no-one in particular. 'Where the frak is my bag?'

Her query was only met by non-committed shrugs until she heard one voice shout out something about her not even drinking the night before and still managing to lose stuff. She grabbed her towel and pointedly slammed the locker door, which swung on its hinges due to the force, before heading to the showers. She would just have to find it later.

It didn't take her long to reach the bathroom, and she quickly showered and dressed before making her way back to the bunkroom.

Sam had managed to hide the bag back in her locker during her absence and was just pulling his shirt over his head as a string of muttered profanities heralded her return. 'You okay?' he asked as she entered the room.

'Yeah,' she told him, a disgruntled scowl on her face. 'Just some wise-guy thinks it must be funny to hide my stuff.'

'What have you lost?'

'My toiletries bag, but I don't have time to worry about that now. I have to get to the briefing.'

'It's in your locker,' he informed her. 'I saw you put it in there yesterday,' he said, before suddenly becoming very interested in tying the laces on his shoes. 'You got the shits when you couldn't find something and threw it up the back.' When she didn't move, he risked a glance at her. 'Don't you remember?'

She gave him a disbelieving stare, but made her way to the locker and pulled it open anyway. Sure enough, when she shuffled past the rest of the junk crammed into the small space, the bag was there. She shook her head slightly, disturbed by her inability to recall putting it there. Then again, it had been a distracting and sleep-deprived few days; she couldn't really blame her brain for losing snippets of memory.

She grabbed the bag and sorted through the contents till she found one of the patches. She then placed her hand over her shoulder, picked at the edges of the old patch until one of the corners curled slightly, then pulled it away from her skin before placing the new one over the same area. The bag was then hastily tossed back into the locker, which was unceremoniously shoved closed with her elbow.

'Gotta go,' she said as she passed Sam. She was almost out the door before she felt his hand grasp her just above her elbow. She looked down at the point of contact and her eyes were still trailing back to his face when she noticed him leaning towards her. He gently kissed her on the lips, just a little longer than seemed necessary. As they pulled apart, she opened her eyes and tilted her head to the side slightly with a questioning look. He just smiled in response and she couldn't help but return the gesture as she walked backwards the last few steps out into the hallway then turned and continued on her journey.

A few seconds passed before Sam let out a sigh, his hand moving up to rub at his eyes before absently continuing upwards to run through his hair. He took one last look at the locker before making his way out of the room.

XXXXXXXXX

Kara hurried down the empty hallway, concentrating on fastening the remainder of the buttons on her flight jacket. Admiral Adama had already confirmed a few days earlier that she would be reinstated as flight instructor, but that she needed to attend a few briefings from the gallery side first to catch up on what she had missed in her absence. And he had also ordered that more of her time be spent in an advisory capacity to assist in navigating the fleet towards Earth. She resented the decrease in flying time, but an order was an order. The few recovery days had seemed to drag, and she was eager to get back in the cockpit again. She was just pushing the last button through the corresponding hole in her jacket when she suddenly crashed into a figure emerging from a doorway.

'Lee,' she uttered in surprise, for lack of anything more profound coming to mind. She felt that familiar warm wave wash through her as her eyes swept over the gap where his unbuttoned officer's jacket hung open, allowing a limited view of the tanks underneath that contoured to the muscles of his chest. Her mind started to register that something seemed out of place; something Sam had told her. A slight glint of light bouncing from the golden wings pinned to his chest jogged her memory.

'I heard somewhere that you'd joined the ranks of the civilians.' She waited in anticipation, unsure whether the information she had heard was wrong, or that there were more changes aboard Galactica that were yet to reach her ears. After all, she hadn't been socialising much so she wasn't really surprised that she was behind with any news.

'You heard right. But I just received a memo saying,' he started, before continuing with a tone of disdain, 'my presence is requested to discuss the reinstatement of my position as CAG and resolve professional differences.' He looked exhausted; his eyes were sunken a little deeper than usual and his normally proud shoulders had the slightest droop to them. 'Let's just say it's been a chaotic few weeks.'

'Must have been,' she agreed. 'I can't believe we haven't managed to run into each other since I got back. You'll have to fill me in on everything I've missed.' She could sense that he was dealing with a lot at the moment and that he was teetering on confiding in her, but had been burnt too many times before to say too much.

'Maybe later,' he decided with a shrug. 'Anyway, I have to get to this meeting with the President and the Old Man.'

Kara could feel the tension rising, deciding it was best to suggest a more relaxed location to catch up: somewhere that they could just forget all the crap that had happened and enjoy that friendly company they had once shared. 'I think it's about time we get back to that triad table; remind those nuggets who really owns the room.'

'Look, Kara,' he began, his eyes dropping to the floor, 'Dee and I are going through a rough patch at the moment.' He hazarded a look at her then. 'I don't really think it's appropriate.'

She let out a condescending snort. 'So now you can't even go out for a game of cards with your friends?' If there was one thing Lee was sure of, it was that Kara would keep pushing away until she got what she wanted. And when he thought about it, was it really such an unreasonable request? Was he expected to just sit around and mope because Dee had packed her bags and walked out on him? But the flip side of his conscience reminded him that he was technically still married, and that being seen with the woman who was largely responsible for Dee and his current predicament was only going to end with someone getting hurt. And in all likelihood, it was going to be more than just one of them.

'Oh come on, Lee. There will be a roomful of witnesses to attest to our respectable behaviour.' She could see his mind shuffling through the possible consequences; it wasn't going to take too much more to convince him. She leant a little closer giving him a mischievous grin. 'I promise I won't try to seduce you.'

He closed his eyes briefly and smiled at her overtly manipulative manner; it obviously hadn't taken Starbuck long to make an appearance in full force. When he opened his eyes, she was giving him her patented wide-eyed look of innocence that he knew had fooled many before him, yet he still found hard to resist. 'Okay… okay,' he relented. 'I'll come.'

'That's a bit presumptuous of you, isn't it?' she asked, giving him a wink then turned to continue down the hallway before he had a chance to respond. 'See ya later,' she shouted over her shoulder, the words echoing off the steel walls as she disappeared around the corner.


	2. Chapter 2

The volume was already increasing around the triad table as the drinks freely made the rounds from glass to glass

The volume was already increasing around the triad table as the drinks freely made the rounds from glass to glass. Sam glanced at his hand, throwing a confident grin at his opponents as he spread the cards between his fingers. It was getting to the stage of the night where most present had an alcohol fuelled sense of bravado and although Starbuck had had her fair share of ambrosia, she was lucid enough to see Sam's thumb nail unconsciously rubbing against his index finger; she knew she had him beat. Racetrack and Hot Dog had both finished organising their cards and were now looking at her expectantly. She squinted her eyes in false concentration at the hand she had been dealt. What most people didn't notice was that she never actually looked at her own cards until the others seated at the table had picked up their own, so she could watch the subtle reactions of each of the players. Racetrack was already leaning forward, ever so slightly, but there was enough eagerness in her manner to warn Starbuck to proceed with caution.

'Hmm, what to do…' Kara trailed off, the rest of the table anticipating her call. She took a deeper breath, knowing that calling with her current hand would be suicide. She gave her opponents a smirk and dramatically flicked her cards into the middle of the table. 'I might let someone else take this round.'

'Whoa, the mighty Starbuck backs down,' Racetrack teased, her confidence rising now that the best player had folded.

'Don't worry,' Sam said with a slight slur, condescendingly patting Kara on top of the head. 'It's tough keeping up with the big boys.' He gave her a cheeky grin as she screwed up her nose in mock offence. Racetrack cleared her throat in an overtly obvious manner until Sam looked in her direction and added in an apologetic tone: 'And girls.'

'Yeah, and don't you forget it, Anders.'

The other three players continued the battle and although the stress free atmosphere was a comforting change, Kara was surreptitiously watching the door, wondering if Lee would stay true to his word. Just as Hot Dog was dealing the cards for the next round, Starbuck saw a shadow moving across the floor of the doorway and - even out of the corner of her eye - she could discern that the figure who followed it was Lee. She sat up a little straighter, and spoke loudly as though she was immersed in the game and totally unaware of his appearance.

'C'mon, Hot Dog, my grandma could deal faster than you.' He raised his eyebrows as though presented a challenge and flicked her next card across the table, sending it skidding over the smooth surface, and even though Kara's hand was coming down to stop it, the card had already reached the end and dropped into her lap before her palm had hit the table.

'Seems your reflexes aren't quite the same since you got back,' he pointed out.

'You wanna go a round in the ring and test that theory?' she shot back as a jovial dare.

The two of them stared at each other, trying not to laugh, but before Hot Dog had a chance to respond, Lee had made his way to the table with a full bottle clutched in one hand. 'Got room for one more?' he asked, but it seemed to be with less confidence in his tone than normal. Kara could almost feel the mood of the room change, even if it was subtle. She saw Hot Dog and Racetrack glance sideways at each other and Sam shift slightly in his chair, his eyes remaining focused on his cards while he downed the remaining liquid in his glass.

'So you've come out of hibernation, have you?' she questioned, feeling the need to break the awkward silence that now lingered in the room. She gave a nod of her head to the bottle he was holding. 'And you come bearing gifts.' He gave her a small smile of thanks for her loyalty as she held up her empty glass and wiggled it in front of him. While he concentrated on filling the glass, her eyes narrowed by the smallest degree as she looked at the others around the table.

Racetrack seemed to be battling a moment of indecision, then scraped her chair across the floor, creating a space between her and Kara. 'Pull up a chair, Apollo.' He passed the bottle to her and made a grab for the closest seat to slot in the newly formed space.

Sam rubbed at his temples and then looked towards Kara through hazed eyes. 'Actually guys, I'm going to call it a night,' he announced to the table in general. He stood up with a wobble, grasping the edge of the table for support and pointedly looked at Kara, but the action lost its significance as he had difficulty focusing his stare.

Hot Dog shook his head, feigning superiority. 'Poor Anders, doesn't know how to pace himself. Looks like he might need some help walking.'

'You'll be okay to make it back to your own quarters, won't you Sammy?' Kara said confidently, giving him an encouraging slap on the backside as he made his way past her to the exit. He absently waved over his shoulder before bringing his hand back to his eyes, rubbing them as he stumbled out of the room. Lee sat down, looking from Sam back to Kara, but she didn't appear to be perturbed by her husband's early exit from the game. He nervously tapped his fingers on the table until his cards were dealt and the next few rounds passed with minimal chatter but maximum alcohol consumption. It soon became apparent that each of the players was just going through the motions, the previous light-hearted manner slowly dissipating. It was a disturbing atmosphere; the usual location to relax and enjoy time with the rest of the crew had suddenly become awkward and tense. Kara was somewhat puzzled by the response of the others when Lee had joined the game and wondered what else had happened in her absence to divide the pilots. She hadn't noticed any problems during training briefings, but she guessed no one was stupid enough to question the CAG while they were on duty.

'So where's Dee?' Racetrack's question hung in the air, the first significant sentence that had been uttered in the last few minutes. It was one of those rumours floating around: that there had been a fight between Lee and his wife over Baltar's trial, but despite the close living arrangements aboard Galactica, they had managed to keep most of their problems private. However, Racetrack's curiosity mixed with her inebriated state was threatening to probe Lee for answers.

'She is on R and R at the moment.' It wasn't exactly a satisfactory explanation, but it was all he was willing to reveal.

'I guess everyone needs some time to themselves,' Racetrack said absently.

Lee was immediately defensive. 'And what is that supposed to mean?'

She stalled for a while, aware that Lee was already interpreting what she was saying as an attack, but it was still taking her a while – along with many others aboard Galactica - to accept the fact that he had defended Baltar, and it was the first opportunity she had had to talk to him off-duty. 'I'm just saying I can see it must be frustrating to be living with someone who has a differing opinion on what is right and wrong.'

Lee took a calming breath, rising from his chair with controlled deliberation. 'Well I guess the next time I am faced with a moral dilemma, I'll be sure to ask your opinion.' He kept glaring at her but she didn't relent so he turned his attention towards Hot Dog to see if there was any indication of support; but Hot Dog just stared back at him without saying anything in defence, silently proving Lee's suspicions. A small laugh of disgust escaped Lee's lips as he shook his head slightly, then turned and headed towards the exit, his footsteps drumming an ominous beat with each step.

'Nice one guys,' Kara said, scowling as she threw her cards face-up in front of her. She placed both palms on the table, leaning forward in an intimidating fashion as she rose from her seat. 'I guess there are no winners tonight.' She grabbed the half empty bottle then roughly shoved her chair against the table but by the time she had turned around to make her way out of the room, Lee had already disappeared around the corner.

XXXXXXXXX

Sam had not even been in his bunk for five minutes before he had fallen into a restless sleep. His eyes were rapidly flicking from side-to-side beneath his eyelids as twisted dreams and visions bombarded his mind: centurians merging into the likeness of Tigh and Tori; Kara digging her fingers into the flesh of her shoulder to pull at the patch that was stuck there, clenching it in her hand until her nails drew blood before she threw it at him; Chief and Athena holding their children towards him, nodding slightly; Kara standing in the distance with a look of pure hatred in her eyes, heavy tears streaked down her cheeks; the sound of a baby crying; Kara beside him, cradling a newborn wrapped in a blanket before she opened her arms, letting it fall,

fall,

fall…

Sam's eyes sprung open in the darkness and he clutched at the sheet that had moulded itself to his sweat soaked skin, ripping it from his body. He sat up, his ribs expanding with each deep breath that he took, his heart thumping rapidly. His head was spinning, still affected by the copious amounts of alcohol that were searing through his blood and he was disorientated for a while, trying to decipher his location in the blackness of the room. There was a vague recollection of playing triad earlier in the night and scrambling into his bunk with a headache threatening to make an appearance, but he couldn't remember what had elicited the feeling of terror that now engulfed him. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting as the feeling slowly retreated and eventually laid himself back down, taking several calming breaths as he stared blankly at the roof of his bunk.

XXXXXXXX

Lee sat on the couch, not bothering to raise his eyes as he heard the hatch to his quarters cautiously creak open; he knew it was Kara even before her voice filled the emptiness of the room. 'In case you have forgotten, we're stuck on a battlestar with limited supplies. You can't just waste precious commodities.' His head remained facing the ground, but he slowly looked up until he could see her silhouette framed in the doorway, the bottle dangling from her hand. Her shadow stretched along the floor, almost touching the point where his feet were resting, and the harsh light that flooded around her from the hallway contrasted against the darkness that hid her expression. She closed the hatch behind her and Lee blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room. She walked towards the couch and placed the bottle on the table, the remaining fluid sloshing up the sides of the vessel as she sat down next to him. 'It seems I missed all the action while I was away.'

Lee turned his head until he was facing her. He knew that was her way of saying that she understood he was having a rough time; that she was there to listen to him and she wouldn't question his actions; that there were some loyalties that could never be broken. But despite all that, his mind was sending out signals of caution, reminding him of all the times he had let his guard down with her and she had mocked him for it, even if it was only in jest. And he began questioning why anything involving her always ended up being complicated; why everything she suggested sounded like a good idea at the time, but ultimately resulted in trouble. The debate flicked through his head in a matter of seconds and in the end he resolved to fill in the blanks for her based on two things: that they were alone so she wouldn't have an audience if she decided to make a smart-ass comment; and that in reality, there was no one else that he could confide in anyway.

She picked up the bottle, offering it to him as an incentive to talk, and he lifted it to his lips, taking a few soothing mouthfuls of the burning liquid before passing the bottle back. He didn't really know where to begin, but soon the alcohol, depression and frustration all mixed together to create a volatile cocktail that encouraged him to reveal more than he had initially planned. He told her of the trial and the fight with his father, of his short return to being a civilian again and of the problems between him and Dee. And even though he had already said too much, the emotion he had suppressed since her return engulfed him all at once and he let one final revelation slip out: that he was angry at her, for making him question his reasons for marrying Dee; that ever since she had come back to Galactica, he had been plagued by guilt because he was more concerned with her welfare than repairing his damaged marriage. And as his final words faded into the dimness of the room, he realised that Kara hadn't said a word since he had begun talking; that her shocked expression was only just beginning to fade as she comprehended what had been said.

She turned her head away and stared blankly at the floor, the alcohol impairing her ability to process his confession, but it was starting to make sense why he had been avoiding her for the last few days. She wasn't sure if she secretly felt pleased that she still held that power over him, or annoyed with him for reigniting her feelings, despite her best efforts to maintain an emotional barrier between them. She only barely registered his hand brushing against hers as he made a grab for the bottle, hoping the remaining dregs would help drown his sorrows, but she released her grip too early and it slipped from her fingers, the loud sound of shattering glass jolting her back to reality. She reached down automatically, grasping the largest shard that lie amongst the destruction to place it on the table, and she didn't even realise that it had made a shallow cut across her palm until she saw the thin line of red emerging from the wound.

'Frak, Kara. Don't move,' Lee instructed as he shuffled through the drawer under the table, grabbing a small piece of paper as it was the closest thing he could find that may be of any use and then placed it against her palm, putting pressure against it with his own. Kara still seemed slow to respond to her surroundings and neither her nor Lee heard the door open or saw Dee's shocked expression as she noticed her husband hand-in-hand with the person who was the source of most of their problems. And it was only when Lee registered the lightening of the room did he look up, immediately dropping Kara's hand and striding over to his wife, even as she was backing out of the door.

'Dee, wait.' There was a hint of surprise in his plea, even though he was glad she had returned, albeit unexpectedly. 'What are you doing here?' He had been resigning himself to the belief that the last time she left, she had given him all the chances she was willing to offer.

Even though the shadows masked part of her features, he could see the hurt in her eyes as she looked at Kara still sitting on the couch, before she looked back into his eyes. 'Well, I guess it is irrelevant now.'

'Just let me talk to you.' He reached for her hand, desperately grasping it until she stopped her retreat. He seemed to have forgotten Kara's presence until she was suddenly beside them in the doorway.

'I'd better see how Sam is going,' Kara mumbled quickly, as she awkwardly squeezed past them and walked down the hallway, hearing the heavy hatch close behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

Even before she had rounded the corner, Kara could hear the dull thumping of someone taking out their aggression on the punching bag

Even before she had rounded the corner, Kara could hear the dull thumping of someone taking out their aggression on the punching bag. As she made her way into the room, she could see the bag swaying slightly as it absorbed each blow. From her current angle, the bag blocked her view of who was dealing the punches, but they were definitely giving it a thrashing. She had to agree though, that beating the crap out of that bag was a satisfying way to decrease stress levels. And with the current state of affairs aboard Galactica, she was surprised there weren't more people in the room. It wasn't until a final blow sent the bag swinging from side to side could she see who was delivering the punches: Lee, who was now standing there with his gloved hands resting on his hips, his head hanging and his eyes closed as he sucked in deep breaths.

'Feeling better?' Kara queried as she sauntered in his direction. He didn't open his eyes; he knew who it was.

'What's the matter? Punching an inanimate object not enough for you?' She smirked, even though he wouldn't see the expression, because she knew he would hear it in her voice. 'You can take it out on me if you like. Come on, one free shot – and you'd better make it count.'

'Look, Kara, I'm not in the mood,' he stated, his head remaining dipped as he tugged at the straps on the gloves with his teeth.

'Whoa, Lee, I'm just mucking around,' she told him as she grabbed at the bag to stop it swinging between them. 'What's up with you?'

He looked up at her then as he clamped one glove between his bicep and his ribs, pulling his sweaty hand free. He could see the hint of annoyance in her eyes which only fuelled his anger more. His breathing was still rapid and he could feel a solitary bead of sweat tracing a path down his neck and chest before soaking into the rim of his tank top. His mind debated whether he should say anything; whether it was even her business to know. Then again, it was partly her fault, and maybe it would give him some satisfaction to load her with a sense of guilt.

'Dee and I got divorced.' He kept his eyes locked on hers, waiting to see how she would react. 'Today.' Her face remained unreadable and she didn't say anything in response. He could feel the air rushing through his nostrils but he was no longer sure if his increased breathing rate was from the exercise or the anger that flowed through him. And to make things even more confusing, he wasn't even sure who he was angry with: Dee, for confirming the finality of their relationship by signing those papers; Kara, for standing there with an obvious lack of sympathy; or himself, for still wanting her despite all the pain she had caused him. They kept staring at each other for a few moments longer. The divorce was just one more barrier between them that was now dissolved. He knew it, and she knew it, but neither of them was going to bring up the issue.

He ripped the remaining glove from his hand and threw it on the ground, then turned and walked to the bench, sitting down with his back to her while he grabbed for one of his boots. He could hear her footsteps as she walked in his direction, stopping just behind him. He involuntarily scrunched his shoulders as he felt her palms come to rest either side of his neck. 'Don't get so worked up over this, Lee – you knew it was coming. The only difference now is that it is official.' He did his best to ignore the goose bumps that started to make their way up the back of his neck. 'You knew it was never going to last between the two of you.'

_Yeah, thanks to you,_ he thought. Why did her mechanism for dealing with anything of a serious matter require her to be such a bitch? So maybe her childhood had scarred her with some emotional deficits, but maybe she just had to get over it and grow up at some point. He felt the subtle movement of her hands gently squeezing the muscles above his shoulders but he tried diligently to pretend that her words and actions weren't having an effect on him. The last thing he needed was to fall into the trap of Kara's game of seeing how far she could push his buttons before he would snap. But while his mind concentrated on honouring his plan, he suddenly felt her presence beside his face, and when she spoke, it was close enough that he could feel her whispered words against his earlobe. 'Maybe I can help you relieve some of that tension.' There was that characteristic sarcasm in her voice, and before Lee even registered what he was doing, he had stood up and pushed her backwards until she slammed into the wall, wincing as the back of her head crashed against it.

By the time her eyes had regained their focus, Lee's face was mere inches from hers, his arms pinning her wrists beside her head and his chest crushing her with each breath. 'I'm sick of playing your frakking games, Kara.'

'If you're divorced now, you don't owe her any loyalty,' she pointed out.

'You just don't get it do you?' She could feel his encirclement of her wrists tightening. '_You're_ still married, and last time I checked, frakking another man's woman was still cheating.' His breaths were coming in short bursts now and she could see the thin vein running across his temple pumping furiously. 'Does Sam even know you are down here? Is it not enough for you to screw your own life up – you have to destroy everyone around you in the process as well?' He could see the slight clenching in her jaw as he continued his tirade. For once he had the upper hand and he wasn't going to waste the opportunity. 'Why don't you go and find your husband? He is the perfect safety net to fall back on when things are getting too serious for you.' And then he saw it: the merest hint of fear pass over her features; that sudden vulnerability because he knew why she had married Sam in the first place. It was only for the briefest moment before it was replaced by a burning anger, but it was enough for Lee to know that he had done the damage. 'Remember those vows that you made on New Caprica? How convenient. I hope it gives you comfort that you can hide behind that fact to avoid the truth.'

Lee felt Kara's right arm shift, and if he hadn't been prepared for it, she would have broken free and punched him in the face. But he knew her too well; there was no way you could feel sorry for Starbuck and expect her not to use it to her advantage if she was given half a chance. So his grip remained steadfast as he revelled in the fact that this was one of the rare occasions that he was in control. He could see the defiant squint in her eyes and her nostrils flare with each breath she took, her chest rising and falling against his own.

'Let… me…go.' Each word was said with a controlled finality between clenched teeth. He released his grip with slow deliberation, her arms sliding down the wall to hang limply at her side, but he kept leaning against her, his palms resting on either side of her head. They kept staring at each other, both unwilling to be the first to break eye-contact as though it would be seen as a sign of defeat.

'Maybe it's time for you to make a decision: listen to what your religion tells you, or what your heart does.' She held his gaze for a few moments longer before the glistening in her eyes threatened to betray her façade of defiance, and she relented, her head tilting slightly to the side as she looked downwards. She felt his hot breath on her cheek as he moved minutely closer before pushing himself off the wall and storming out of the room.

XXXXXXXXX

_What an asshole._ Kara was still fuming as she walked into the bunkroom, slamming the hatch behind her before starting to pace the room. It wasn't so much the power-play that had pissed her off, but that she had let Lee see her weakness. She resented not being in command of the situation; felt vulnerable that he had blatantly paraded the truth and she had not been able to stop him. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. The smell of his sweat that had soaked into her tanks still lingered and she pulled them off in disgust, scrunching them into a ball and throwing them onto her bunk. It was times like this that she wished she was out on training, with nothing to concentrate on but the feel of the viper under her control; it was the only place she ever felt fully in control of her life. She sat on the edge of her bunk, letting some of the heat that was now radiating off her body dissolve in the cool air of the bunkroom. She rested her elbows on her knees, her head cradled in her hands.

She recalled having once tested Lee's stance by asking if he was prepared to leave Dee if she would leave Sam, and he had thrown the offer back in her face. But now that Dee had finally decide to leave _him_, it was suddenly her fault, and he could just snap his fingers and she should come running? That was not the way the game worked: Lee was always supposed to be just out of reach, tauntingly close yet forbidden from allowing their relationship to become too personal. And gods knew that she often had to restrain herself from wanting to act on her impulses, to indulge in what they both desired. And on the rare occasion that they had succumbed to the inevitable, they had disregarded its significance by accepting that there was an intangible barrier between them, holding back the disaster that would follow if they were too intimate. Up until now, they had silently agreed that there was just too much potential that one of them was going to get hurt by the other; it was okay for them to fool around, as long as there wasn't the possibility for things to become too serious. Or at least, that was what Kara had believed. So why was he now confusing her by making her face the dilemma again? Did he really think she was prepared to risk falling into dangerous ground without an excuse to retreat, just so she could once again share a moment of bliss with him?

_How dare he? _Her mind continued to discredit Lee, as though it could justify to itself that what he was saying about her was a pack of lies. And she would be damned if she was going to admit how much his scathing comments had affected her. She almost wished there was another cylon attack to occupy her time so she wasn't left spending so much time alone. All it achieved was to leave her with too much time to think. That was definitely where she was getting herself into trouble: too much thinking. She made a mental note that maybe she should try to do less of it in the future. She moved to her locker and rummaged around in the hope that she may have shoved a shirt in there at some point, but was distracted when she heard the door opening.

Sam's face broke into a warm smile as he spotted her standing there in her bra, her breathing still easing its way back to normal. 'You been working out?' he asked, raising one eyebrow playfully. 'I didn't know clothing was optional.'

She couldn't help but see the naivety in his features; his trusting smile and the honesty in his eyes. She strode the few steps between them, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling herself closer to him, her lips covering his hungrily. The force with which she had hit him pushed him back against the hatch and she kicked the lock closed with her foot before dragging him back to her bunk. Her hands scrunched through his hair before they clenched onto tufts of it while her teeth grazed over his bottom lip. Before Sam even had time to respond, one of her hands had made its way under his shirt, scratching long marks down his back, before tracing over his ribs then trailing from his chest to his abdomen. As he crouched above her on the bunk, he managed to mutter a few words between her onslaught. 'So I take it you've still got some energy left?'

'Enough,' she murmured, before her tongue grazed the roof of his mouth and she pulled at his belt. And she wasn't sure if what she was doing was to spite Lee or just to help her forget everything that had happened, even if it were only for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

Only two days had passed since the papers had been signed, but Lee couldn't remember time ever dragging as much

Only two days had passed since the papers had been signed, but Lee couldn't remember time ever dragging as much. The fact that he had only slept for six hours in that period was a large contributor to that feeling and he was only now getting to the stage that he thought he may finally be able to rest without his mind waking him each hour as it rifled through the recent events. He kept his eyes closed, trying to force his brain to remain as blank as possible, and he was focused on his goal with such concentration that he only just registered the tentative knock on the hatch. He rubbed at his eyes as he pulled himself out of bed, glancing at the clock on his way to the hatch then pulled at the handle. The light from the hallway insulted his tired eyes as it broke into the room and it took a moment until he was able to discern who had been knocking, the strong smell of whiskey assisting his deduction.

'What are you doing, Kara?' he questioned, leaning against the cold metal of the partially opened hatch, his brow wrinkled in a mixture of confusion and annoyance. 'It's the middle of the night.'

She scanned the hallway cautiously, taking a controlled breath before she spoke. 'I did it.'

'Did what?' he asked warily, taking a couple of steps backwards as she edged into the room. She glanced over her shoulder, taking her time to close the hatch as though the action was granting her more time before she had to continue her confession. As the clang of metal resonated through the room, she leant back against the cool steel, her gaze focused on her boots, and it was only then that Lee realised she hadn't looked at him since she had arrived. 'What did you do, Kara?' he prompted.

She hesitated, and for a moment he wondered whether she was having second thoughts about the visit, but then she took a determined breath. 'I divorced Sam.' Her eyes quickly flicked up, meeting his for the briefest moment before returning their attention back to the floor, as though ashamed of being part of a guilty confession.

Lee involuntarily took an extra step backwards, his exhausted mind having difficulty comprehending the significance of the statement as Kara remained unmoved from her position, and he knew she was waiting to see his reaction. He suddenly felt very exposed, standing less than two feet away from her wearing only his flimsy military boxers while her declaration hung in the air between them. He had been so angry two days ago, and had already questioned whether he had taken things too far, but he had consoled himself in the knowledge that scathing comments were like water off a duck's back when it came to Kara; he had assured himself that it was just another episode where one of them was compelled to vent their anger, and that within a couple of weeks, everything would be back to normal. He thought that it was just another indiscretion that would be filed in their history and never spoken of again, but now she stood before him in direct defiance of that belief. Since when had she ever considered any of his suggestions seriously? It was enough of a challenge getting her to comply with official orders, let alone take any notice of comments that questioned her strength of character.

He opened his mouth, as though on the verge of responding, but then closed it again before any words escaped; he wasn't quite sure he would be able to create an intelligible sentence anyway. The silence remained for a few more seconds before Kara's eyes slowly made the journey up his body until she was looking directly into his bewildered eyes. And even as she stepped closer, her gaze remained fixed on his; it was almost like she was testing his resolve; seeing at which point he would break away. There was the slightest glint of fear in her stare but she did not waver from her intent, her face leaning closer to his, and she didn't close her eyes until their lips tentatively met. As though well rehearsed in restraint, their bodies remained frozen in place, defied only by the subtlety of her lips moving against his. Lee couldn't help but stare at her eyelashes for those few seconds, blinking for the first time as the single point of contact was broken when she gently pulled back with her eyes still closed, as though savouring the moment for a little longer before suffering the consequences.

When she finally risked opening her eyes, Lee could see her nervousness; that she had put forth a challenge and was left vulnerable as she awaited his decision. And although his mind was confused and surprised and wary, he couldn't bear to look into those unsure eyes any longer, so he moved his right hand up until it moulded itself behind her neck, pulling her closer until his lips crushed against hers, expressing years of suppressed emotion in a single kiss. The feel of her hot body pressed against his was in stark contrast to the previous coolness of the controlled Galactica atmosphere and he wrapped his remaining arm around her waist, pulling her more tightly against him. It only took a few moments before Lee's confirmation registered in Kara's brain, and he then felt her fingers dart out as though permission had been granted to begin their exploration. Her touch moved up his forearms and along each bicep, his muscles flinching at the sensation of her fingertips tracing over them, and when she reached his shoulders, he felt the palms of her hands flatten against him before slowly making their way down his chest to rest on his abdomen as she used her mouth and fingers to physically map the contours of his body. He realised that her hands were softer than the last time he had experienced their ministrations against his skin, the small calluses that normally resided at the base of each finger resorbed through the lack of battle training and flying, and it was a jolt to his memory of how different things had been for her since her return. Her regular adrenalin quota was not exactly being met, and he was concerned that her isolation and deviation from her usual routine were impeding her judgement.

Although reluctant to disentangle their bodies, he pulled his head back slightly until he felt the cool air pass between their faces. The slightest taste of whiskey lingered on his mouth and he gave her a sincere stare. 'Are you drunk?'

Kara's breaths came in shallow gasps which masked the tone of her voice to the point that Lee couldn't tell if her words were laced with uncertainty or sarcasm. 'Don't tell me you are going to back out now.'

He looked down for a second as though debating his next move, and by the time he looked at her again, she was anxiously biting at her bottom lip. He gave her a short, reassuring kiss before he began to step backwards, half stumbling with her until they reached the bed and he laid himself down on his back, his fingers sliding under the armholes of her tanks as he pulled her down with him. Kara followed his lead as he shuffled further up the bed, climbing across the sheets until her knees were straddled either side of his hips before succumbing more fully to his insistent pull, and she ducked her head down to kiss him, her short strands of blonde hair tumbling until they framed her face. Lee extricated his fingers from beneath her top, running his hands down the coarse cotton until he could distinguish the folds of fabric that crumpled at her waist. He curled his fingers under the shirt and pulled on the material, deliberately letting his thumbnails graze over her sensitive skin, leaving a trail of goose-bumps behind them. He felt her tongue run across his bottom lip and he was distracted for a moment, leaving her shirt bunched below her breasts as his hands changed their course to cup her face so he could concentrate on the feel of his tongue dancing against hers, and he almost followed her lips upwards when they reluctantly broke from his as she hastily straightened to pull the tanks over her head.

Lee sat up, his mouth back on hers before the garment had even fallen to the floor, his fingers roaming freely over her pale skin. And when his hands trailed below her belly button, he was acutely aware that she was still wearing a lot more clothing than he was and surmised that he wasn't exactly in the easiest position to alter that fact. He shifted his hold to her lower back, slowly dragging his index finger along her spine and skipping over the back of her black bra before halting the movement to splay his fingers between her shoulder blades. He could feel the patch under his little finger - almost annoyed at its intrusion - blocking him from contacting more of her skin with his increasing desire. He turned with her, half pushing and half supporting her as they rolled until he was above her, his elbows digging into the mattress beside her chest. He allowed some of his weight to fall against her, wary in case he met any resistance on her part, but for once she seemed willing to let him take control. He heard the tiny clink of metal as his dog tag knocked against hers when he bent down to claim her mouth once more, and as his hand made its way to the rim of her cargo pants, he was sure that he could feel the slightest smile emerge on her lips.

XXXXXXXXX

Lee was stirred from his sleep as he felt the mattress moving beside him and by the time his brain kicked into consciousness, Kara was already dressed and tying the laces on one of her boots. Her back was facing him and he could see the movement of the muscles in her shoulder as her fingers worked on looping the knot. Unsure of what to say, he decided to patiently wait and see if she planned to leave quietly or give him the courtesy of informing him of her departure. And then she stilled, her elbows resting on her knees as her head hung limply and he longed to know what was running through that chaotic mind of hers. He could see her ribs expand as she took a deep breath and then she cautiously stood, pausing half way at the soft creaking sound when her weight lifted from the mattress. She turned slowly and when her eyes were met by his, there was an immediate defensiveness in her reaction.

'Lee, you know I can't stay.' He maintained his stare, keeping his features blank; he understood what she meant, but it was still a bitter truth to accept. There were regulations and reputations and people other than themselves to think of. There was always something. He sat up and started to swing his legs over the edge of the bed, wanting to touch her once more before she left, even if to confirm her presence was reality.

'Don't.' He stopped moving at her statement. It wasn't harsh, but there was a definite firmness to it. He searched her expression for any clue to what was going through her mind; did she regret her actions or was she just being practical? Was there fear or guilt residing behind those dark eyes? Lee was convinced that half the time she wasn't sure herself of what she was feeling, so how was anyone else ever supposed to understand her?

She sighed as she took a step backwards. 'I have to go.' Then she turned and continued towards the hatch, only briefly checking the hallway before exiting.


	5. Chapter 5

Lee stood before the roomful of bored pilots, rehashing the same flight routines and rosters that most of them could relay by heart

Lee stood before the roomful of bored pilots, rehashing the same flight routines and rosters that most of them could relay by heart. The lack of cynical comments from Starbuck to humour the room was blatantly obvious; she had missed briefings while helping plan jump coordinates for the fleet. Lee supposed the orders would eventually filter through, but until then, training would continue to ensure the pilots were prepared if the cylons launched an attack. He gave his final instructions then dismissed the room, vaguely straightening the papers on the podium before following the last of the stragglers out of the room.

It had been three days since his encounter with Kara, and although he knew their differing schedules had been a hindrance to social time, he was surprised he hadn't seen her even once in that time. It was almost getting to the point where he considered she was actively avoiding him. He had passed Sam twice in the hallways, but there had been nothing more than the usual restrained animosity between them that had always seethed below the surface. Lee was grateful the issue had not been brought up; maybe Sam didn't even know what was going on. And when Lee thought about it, with the way Kara had played out the last few days, it was a surreal feeling even to him that something had happened between them.

He glanced at his watch: two hours until he was rostered on. He carefully considered what he should do; surely three days was adequate time for Kara to decide what she wanted. He had been wary enough to not approach her too soon, but if chance had somehow prevented their paths from crossing since that night, he decided it was time to eliminate that factor. And it wasn't as though his actions could be considered too suspicious: he was still her CAG after all, and a good CAG needed to communicate with their crew, he assured himself. He made his way to the pilots' bunkroom and he could hear laughter emanating from the room; obviously a few of them were enjoying their down-time.

He leant against the open hatchway as he spoke. 'Any of you guys seen Starbuck?'

'She should be back soon,' shouted Racetrack over the noise. 'She left for a meeting with the President and the Admiral when we went to the briefing.' The conversation ended there as a pyramid ball skimmed past her left ear and hit Hot Dog in the back of the head, another bout of laughter erupting from the group. Lee backed out of the room before any more projectiles had the opportunity to become airborne, and started the journey to his father's office. He planned to come up with something by the time he got there, but as he rounded the final corner, his mind was still ineffectively empty. As he neared the closed door, he noticed someone else already leaning against the wall in the hallway and within the next few steps, he recognised who it was: Brad Gawes, the lawyer who had finalised his divorce. Lee hesitated, but he had already been spotted, so he nonchalantly walked a few more feet. He looked at the closed hatch to the office then back to the lawyer.

'Hello.' Lee gave him an awkward smile.

'Hello,' Brad returned, then cleared his throat. They both stared at the door for several seconds. 'I hope you're not in a hurry, my appointment was for ten minutes ago.'

'Uh, no. I just needed to talk to my father.' Lee began to reconsider whether he should just find Kara later; the situation seemed to have taken somewhat of an uncomfortable turn.

Brad glanced at his watch. 'I don't think they'll be much longer. The President was adamant that we review the amendments to the Caprican laws, you know, keep up to date with the shifting society.' He turned to Lee as he continued. 'It's amazing how many changes need to be considered.'

'Yeah,' Lee mused. 'Sometimes I wonder if those of us left really appreciate the reprieve we have been given. It's almost like having a clean slate to start from.' He gave the lawyer a self-deprecating smile. 'It must be a bit disheartening bearing witness to divorce proceedings.'

Brad shrugged as he replied. 'It hasn't been too bad. Before you, the last divorce was four months earlier.'

'Then to have two in one week must be a real ringing endorsement for humanity.' Lee dryly responded.

Brad gave him a confused stare. 'There's only been one divorce this week.' He saw the uncertain look Lee was giving him. 'Three marriages,' he conceded. 'But only your divorce.'

'Are you sure?' Lee questioned. 'I heard that…' his sentence trailed off as he realised what Kara had told him may be information he theoretically shouldn't be privy to.

Brad gave him a critical look. 'Trust me, I'm the only family lawyer left in this gods forsaken community. Births, deaths, marriages, divorce; I see everyone's lives pass before my eyes on pieces of paper.' The conversation was interrupted by the sound of the hatch opening and Brad seized his opportunity to escape. 'That's my cue,' he said as he walked towards the office.

Lee was absently shaking his head from side to side, looking down at the steel floor of the hallway. Maybe there was some confidentiality clause that Brad was hiding behind? He thought it over, a discomforting heat creeping up from under the collar of his officer's jacket as his mind tried refuting the other possibility. He didn't want to believe it, but the more he thought it over, the harder it was to deny. He knew Kara had committed some low acts in her time, but if she confirmed what he was thinking, he wasn't sure he would be able to look at her again without her betrayal surrounding her like an ominous aura. He heard the sound of footsteps abruptly stop as the metal hatch clicked shut and when he looked up, it was straight into her eyes; her trapped stare was all he needed as undeniable proof of her lie. There was that guilty glint; he realised it was the same one he had seen three nights earlier, only at the time he had misinterpreted the reasoning behind it.

They stood on opposite sides of the hallway, a foreboding silence bridged between them. But the message of disloyalty and anger could not have been portrayed more fully with words than by the look Lee was giving her. He was only able to hold the gaze for a moment, the intensity draining his resolve and he started to turn, adamant to leave before his demeanour faltered and allowed his hurt to emerge. But then he swallowed deeply: she didn't deserve to avoid the consequences; to prey on other's emotions as it suited her without enduring some cost. He quickly turned back and strode the few steps between them, noticing the minute flinch he elicited in her as his hand made its way upwards but before she had a chance to react, his hand was tightly clenched onto the shoulder of her green jacket and he pulled her small frame from where it had been leaning against the hatch.

'I think we need to talk.'

XXXXXXXXX

The first area they came to that seemed to be devoid of people happened to be a supply room. Lee held the hatch open, the palm of his left hand before him as though gallantly indicating she should go before him, but the sincerity of the gesture was betrayed by the coldness in his eyes. Kara stared at him for a moment, the quietness of the empty hallway disturbingly obvious as she considered her options, before pursing her lips in preparation as she made her way into the cramped room then leant against one of the shelves, her gaze fixed on the far corner. She heard the hatch close and could see Lee in her peripheral vision, his back resting against the shelves opposite her, his arms crossed over his chest. She inwardly squirmed in the silence, waiting for his anger to surface and the tirade of abuse to begin.

But it didn't.

Intolerable seconds passed until she could stand it no longer. She kept her head dipped, but her eyes looked up at him cautiously, like a scolded child who had come to realise the shame of their actions. She didn't know what unsettled her more: the fury in his eyes, or the obvious upset that he diligently tried to hide. And then he came forth with a single word that did more damage than any amount of ranting or cursing or threatening combined: 'Why?'

Because it was a question to which she could not find a reasonable answer for herself, let alone explain to him. Maybe in her own twisted way, she needed confirmation that she still elicited those feelings in him; that she retained that hold over him which she could act on if she needed to. That her wanting for him was almost unbearable, but keeping him was too dangerous; because if she finally admitted that she was his alone, it would mean she risked losing him by fate, not by choice. He of all people should be able to understand her reluctance to relinquish control of her emotions to the gods, who had so cruelly cheated her in the past. But then how was she supposed to justify allowing him to share in the feeling of solace that night, only to take it away again; that she had done to him exactly what she was afraid of herself? And, yes, she hated herself for being stupid enough to finish the rest of that bottle of whiskey when she knew those emotions were simmering, just waiting for her to let her guard down.

It wasn't often that Kara was left speechless, but the disappointment with which Lee was looking at her made her realise that nothing she could say would be penance enough for her betrayal. She had been avoiding him for the last few days because she knew the current encounter was inevitable, from the moment she had awoken next to him and gazed at him peacefully resting beside her. In that instant, she had felt the enormity of how her actions affected him, seeing his brow free from the worried furrows that had so often appeared recently. Her still tipsy mind had assured her that she would never be able to maintain that atmosphere of contentedness; that it was only a matter of time before she frakked things up. So she had resolved to quietly make her exit and worry about what she was going to say to him later. And it was just as she tied the last knot on her bootlace that she had seen the dark ink of the tattoo on her arm, a taunting reminder of the trust she had broken, and she had shamefully hung her head at the realisation. It was the thing that even now she resented the most: that she had lied to Lee about divorcing Sam; that she had blatantly disregarded his sense of integrity and morality all because she needed to boost her ego. She had effectively managed to betray both of them with a single act.

Kara felt herself standing at the crossroads as she tried to decide what to do. Her usual reaction of defensive anger suddenly seemed cowardly instead of empowering and the idea of apologising seemed weak. She tried to console herself with the idea that out of everyone she knew, it would be Lee who understood that silence on her part was the biggest admission of guilt. She watched him shift slightly against the shelf, his arms still tucked tightly across his chest as he sucked in a resigned breath when he realised she wasn't going to reveal anything. There was an almost imperceptible shaking of his head as he stared at her with contempt, then he made his way to unlock the hatch. He studied his hands as they twisted the lock and he pushed on the heavy door, glancing back at her briefly as he made his way out.

'I hope it was worth it, Kara.'

And her eyes were already closed as the clang of the closing hatch faded in the confined space.


	6. Chapter 6

'All I'm saying, Kara, is that you gotta take it easy,' Sam pleaded, but she continued ignoring him as she focused on keeping her heart rate up, savouring the punishing feel of her tired muscles as she ran on the treadmill, that familiar feeling of being

'All I'm saying, Kara, is that you gotta take it easy,' Sam pleaded, but she continued ignoring him as she focused on keeping her heart rate up, savouring the punishing feel of her tired muscles as she ran on the treadmill, that familiar feeling of being on the move but not getting anywhere a metaphor of her life. It had been six weeks since Lee had discovered her deceit, and apart from encounters which protocol demanded, they had avoided each other all together. Sometimes she found the circumstances satisfying; like she had known it was going to end badly so all she had done was hasten the inevitable. But deep down she knew that she was only trying to convince herself that what had happened wasn't her fault. So she had immersed herself in as much activity as possible; anything to take her mind off that which she would rather forget.

Sam waited for a response, and out of sheer frustration pushed the off button. Kara was concentrating so much on taking one stride after another that she crashed into the bar at the front of the treadmill as it stopped, cursing several gods in a single sentence even as she tried to regain her breath.

'What is your problem?' She glared at Sam as she spoke, resting her forearms against the bar, a disgruntled scowl on her face.

'Just stop for one second and listen to me.' He could see the tired rings around her eyes, her sweaty hair sticking out haphazardly. 'You need to take a break. You can't spend your whole life in military mode.'

'Well in case you haven't noticed, it's my job. Someone has to be ready to protect the rest of the frakkers in this fleet if the cylons turn up again.' She saw him blink several times then swallow deeply.

Sam knew that when Kara was set on an idea, Zeus himself wouldn't be able to change her mind, and despite her long-standing devotion to Galactica, her current fervour seemed extreme. Her normally short temper was even shorter and the smallest incident could make her snap. She had even stopped spending down-time with the other pilots, conveniently finding excuses to review jump coordinates for the journey to Earth or to spend more time in the gym. Her exhaustion over the last few weeks was obvious but she would never admit it out loud. The only upside to it was that it gave Sam a chance to savour the peace, watching her as she slept; it was the only time he could be close to her and be sure it wasn't going to end with a scornful remark on her part. But even those moments had become rare; they hadn't shared a bunk in over two weeks.

'There's only so much the body can take.' She gave him a half-hearted shrug in response and he moved his hand towards hers, resting it on top. 'You are going to make yourself sick if you keep going like this.'

'Yeah? Well I don't seem to remember you _taking it easy_ when you got sick on New Caprica. So who are you to preach to me?' She pulled her hand out from under his and pushed a heavy clump of hair behind her ear.

He wanted the cheeky, playful Kara back, not the moody, unpredictable person she had become over the last month or so. 'That's a great attitude, Kara,' he said, throwing his hands up in defeat and slowly backing out of the room. A sarcastic smile emerged at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head. 'I'll leave you to it then. We can always finish this conversation in the ten minutes I get to see you tonight before you fall asleep.'

She watched him leave the room and rolled her eyes, attempting to disregard his pleas as unwarranted. They had been fighting more often lately and there were times when Kara was sure that she had been enough of a bitch to drive him away for good, but by the next day, he had always seemed to forgive her, and she was too tired to continue the arguments, most of which were over such insignificant things anyway. A few volatile confrontations every now and then was routine for her, so maybe that was why they were still together, even though sometimes she found herself questioning whether they should be.

She looked back at the electronic counter: she was still several minutes from her goal. She was just about to start the treadmill up again when she felt light-headed but the sensation disappeared within a few seconds and she inwardly cursed Sam for breaking her planned agenda. She reached down and grabbed her bottle of water and took several large gulps before replacing it. She took a deep breath then looked determinedly at the counter and pressed the on button; she could make it.

XXXXXXXXX

'I thought I'd find you here.' Sam leant against the open hatchway as he peered at his wife, but Kara kept staring at the roof of her rack. 'I just came from the mess hall,' he stated as he made his way into the room, sitting on the edge of the bunk and looking at her with a concerned frown. 'Did you even go and get something to eat?'

'Wasn't hungry.' Her eyes blinked slowly, her brain still struggling to return to full capacity even though she had woken ten minutes earlier. She lifted her arm and looked at the watch on her wrist: she must have been asleep for at least two hours, but the lethargy was still lingering.

He grabbed at her hand as it still hovered in front of her face, linking her fingers between his and guiding their hands to rest beside her head so she couldn't hide behind them anymore. 'I miss you, Kara.'

She briefly considered making a smart remark about them seeing each other all the time, but she knew what he meant. She had tried to continue their somewhat stable relationship after what had happened with Lee, grateful that what had occurred had managed to remain a secret. But as each week passed, her guilt increased and she hated herself for being so affected. It had reached the point where Sam's persistent concern over her behaviour made her want to shout at him for his naivety. Maybe on some subconscious level he knew what had happened; there seemed to be a certain possessiveness to his actions around that time, but it could have just been his response to her staying at the card game with Lee instead of returning with him to his quarters when he had made the early exit. There had always been that rivalry between Sam and Lee and she figured that was one of the factors that had made her persist: on some level she found it endearing that Sam acted as though he was claiming her instead of being subdued as he would have done in the past. But he had soon returned to his playful mode, eager to accompany her to her rack when she didn't want to interact with the other pilots. And for a while, she maintained the facade, losing herself in those moments with him to escape from reality. But each time they were together it got harder until it reached the point where every time he tried to get close to her, she would find some excuse to keep her distance.

She looked through her heavily lidded eyes at him and her mounting guilt only compounded the nauseous feeling that had overcome her. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. Despite deciding several times that she should confess to him what she had done, she ultimately held back, because this time around she was sure it would finally break him after what he had been through when she went missing. With the way she had been acting, she wanted him to just give up on her, or get angry, or somehow find out how worthless she was, because that would have made it much easier to leave him once again, or better still, let him make that decision. And while her mind was still considering this, she felt his hand squeeze her palm ever so slightly, before his warm lips pressed against her own. His other hand gently tunnelled under her tank top, grazing over her skin before resting patiently at her waist. She kept her eyes squeezed shut as an uncharacteristic feeling that she was going to cry passed through her. She felt his lips slowly trail to the base of her neck and she sniffed slightly before sitting up, pushing him away in the process.

'Not now, Sam.' He dropped her hand and pulled back, a pained glint in his stare. 'I should go get some food.' It was a poor excuse, but there was no way she was going to divulge that she felt like crap and effectively admit that he had been right in telling her to take things easy.

He stared at her for a few more seconds, but when he realised she wasn't going to change her mind, he leant forward, briefly kissing her forehead. 'I'll see you tomorrow then.' He tried catching her stare, but she kept her eyes focused on the corner of the bunk. She heard his disappointed sigh but waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps before attempting to get out of bed. The room wobbled as she moved and she halted her action and laid herself back down, concluding that eating was the last thing she felt like doing.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Kara woke to find the rest of the curtains drawn, shielding her fellow pilots as they savoured their coveted few hours of sleep

The next morning Kara woke to find the rest of the curtains drawn, shielding her fellow pilots as they savoured their coveted few hours of sleep. She felt better after the well rested night and even considered getting some breakfast but realised that the cafeteria wouldn't be open yet. There was a briefing later in the morning which she was dreading; having to patiently sit in front of Lee as he gave instructions to the room was becoming excruciating. She never sat near the front anymore, and she would only make a smart-ass comment at the most obvious of opportunities, more as a gesture to maintain her reputation, than for the enjoyment it had once aroused. She considered her options: there was no way she was going to hang around in bed feeling sorry for herself and she resolved that another session in the gym really would be pushing things too far. She decided that a short stint at the firing range may boost her spirits; blasting the crap out of things seemed to have that effect on her.

She jumped out of bed and made her way to her locker, quietly getting dressed before slipping out into the hallway, content in the knowledge that it was unlikely she would encounter anyone else at the range at this hour of the morning. As she reached her destination, she was pleased to see her prediction was correct, and the next half hour passed in satisfying isolation as she fired round after round into each target. However, she was disappointed to see that her accuracy had faltered from its usual standard and she rubbed at her eyes in frustration and pulled the ear muffs off to massage at her ears that were starting to go numb.

'Lucky that wasn't a cylon coming for you.' The unexpected voice made Kara jump and she spun around quickly, a sigh of relief passing her lips as she saw Helo standing there with a tilt to his head and a joking grin on his face.

'Didn't your mother ever teach you not to scare a woman whose holding a loaded gun?' Kara grinned back at him as he put his hands up in mock surrender. She clicked open the barrel, indicating to him that it was empty. 'Lucky for you, I'm outta bullets.' She put the gun and ear muffs down before placing her hands on her hips and putting on a falsely sweet voice. 'So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?'

'I was talking to Sam the other day,' he began, but stopped mid-sentence when he saw the suspicious stare she was giving him. 'Settle down, Kara, it wasn't anything that was ground-breaking,' he promised in a light-hearted manner and he could see the tenseness in her shoulders subside a little. 'I mentioned to him that I hadn't seen you in a while and all he said was that you had been a bit run-down lately.' She licked at her bottom lip, looking at the floor and shaking her head slightly as though blaming Sam for betraying her facade of being invincible. Helo saw her reaction, well aware that Kara resented anyone acting like they were doting upon her. 'Hey, don't think I'm going to treat you like some charity case.'

She relaxed then and looked up at him with an amused grin. 'Glad to see you care so much.'

'What are friends for?' He mirrored her smile, relieved that the rising tension had eased, before continuing more earnestly. 'Seriously, I was planning on chatting to you at breakfast – I mean, I haven't seen you in ages - but when I saw you weren't there, I figured the Kara I knew would either be belting something, or shooting something. Luckily, I checked here first.'

The sound of Kara's belly grumbling prompted her to look down at it with disdain. 'Maybe we should get to the mess hall before my stomach begins consuming itself,' she said with a wry grin. She bent down to retrieve her jacket that she had carelessly tossed on the floor but as she stood, the room started spinning and she placed one palm against the nearest wall to steady herself. She waited for the feeling to pass but the sensation only worsened. Helo was looking at her with concern as her normally pale complexion lightened even further.

'Hey, Kara, you okay?' He was already striding the short distance between them and with only two steps to go, he saw her eyes roll back in her head as her knees gave way and he only just managed to catch her as she crumpled towards the floor.

XXXXXXXXX

Kara regained consciousness just as Helo carried her into sickbay, his arms holding under her back and knees as he shouted for the doctor. She blinked several times and within a few seconds managed to realise what was happening.

'Helo, put me down,' she said in humiliation. He looked down at her with relief, but maintained his grip. She gave him a pointed stare and continued quickly as though wanting to remove herself from the embarrassing situation as soon as possible. 'I'm fine, you can let me go.'

He bent down until her feet touched the ground but he kept his one hand hovering on her shoulder in case her legs weren't ready to support her. She shrugged the shoulder where his arm was resting until he took the hint.

'What's all this shouting going on?' Doctor Cottle's gruff voice invaded the area as he emerged from behind one of the curtains.

Cottle looked from Kara to Helo with a suitably unimpressed glare. Kara cleared her throat. 'Nothing, Doc. Just a bit of a misunderstanding.'

Helo was still breathing rapidly, partly from the effort of carrying Kara but also from the scare she had given him. He glanced sideways but saw her defiant stare and knew she wouldn't reveal anything. 'Kara passed out,' he stated looking back at the doctor to continue before Kara could interrupt him. 'She had to be out for at least a couple of minutes.'

'Helo is over-reacting. I just got a little dizzy but I'm fine now.' She tilted her head from side-to-side as the two men stared at her, as though reaffirming her claim. 'You know me, I'm always well-balanced.' Her smile faded when it wasn't shared by the others.

'Sit,' Cottle ordered, pointing to a chair in the corner. Kara opened her mouth to protest but the action was averted when she saw the seriousness in his eyes. 'Now.' She stood for a few more seconds before giving a melodramatic sigh and flopping down in the chair. Cottle placed a cuff around her bicep, checking the gauge as he pumped it up.

'Look, Doc, I'm sure you got a lot more important things to attend to.' He stopped mid-pump and gave her one of his intimidating stares.

'You think I am stupid enough to disregard the importance of one of Galactica's pilots having an episode of losing consciousness?' He waited to see if she dared to challenge the statement. 'Hopefully it isn't anything major, but I'm not going to risk letting you get back in that cockpit until I make sure. The Admiral would have my ass if I did.'

Kara resented being reprimanded, but what was even more infuriating was that she knew he was right, and all she could do was sit there and take it. He removed the cuff from her arm, informing her that her blood pressure was border-line low. He checked her pupil size and shined a bright light into each eye, making sure they were constricting normally before continuing the rest of his clinical examination.

'Do you feel dizzy now?'

'No.'

'Any tingling or blurred vision?'

'No.'

'Any shortness of breath?'

'No.' She felt ridiculous sitting there because she now felt fine, which made it seem like there was unwarranted concern over her, so she resolved to be as curt as possible with her responses.

'When did you last eat?'

'Yesterday.'

She heard him give a frustrated sigh. 'When yesterday?'

'Morning.'

He gave her an exasperated stare. 'You can be a real pain in the ass at times, Thrace. You don't think my job is hard enough without you giving me attitude?'

He turned and rummaged in a drawer, pulling out a tourniquet before opening a new needle and vial. He swabbed her arm with alcohol, the cool liquid biting at the flesh in the crook of her elbow. She kept a determined look on her face, her jaw clenching slightly as the needle pierced her skin and the vial filled with dark red liquid. He removed the tourniquet and made his way over to the bench.

'So that's it then?' she asked as he wrote on the label, more as a courtesy as she was already out of the chair and making her way to the door.

'I want you back in here this afternoon, the results should be back by then. Go and have something to eat and no flying until I clear you, you got that?' She gave a disgruntled nod of acknowledgement. 'And Kara, if it happens again, I want you straight back here.' He turned to Helo. 'And you keep an eye on her.'

'Gee thanks, Doc,' Helo said before turning to her with a challenging smile. 'She's just going to be in such a delightful mood now.'

'Well you'd better get me some food soon or risk facing my full wrath,' she retorted with one eyebrow arched.

They made their way out of sickbay and headed towards the mess hall. Kara knew she had to make it to breakfast and try to carry on like normal, adamant that her crew members remained unaware of her recent problems. She looked at Karl, and he could see the pleading tint to her eyes, a look that she could disguise perfectly so that only those that knew her well could register it. Before she had the chance to say anything, he leaned a little closer, answering her unspoken plea.

'Not a word,' he promised.

XXXXXXXXX

Kara made her way back to sickbay after the briefing, assuring Helo that she felt perfectly fine and could manage on her own. She had not told Lee that she might not be able to make rotation later that afternoon, hoping that everything was going to turn out fine and she would be able to disregard the incident and continue her normal routine. She slouched in the chair, loathing the fact that she was back in the hospital, as though it was highlighting her recent weaknesses. 'Tell me the good news, Doc,' she smirked, trying to make light of the situation despite her arms being crossed protectively across her chest.

He took a long draw from his cigarette then turned his head to the side as the curling smoke drifted from his mouth.

'Well, your blood glucose was a bit low...you did go and eat since we took that sample?'

Kara nodded obediently, her eyes looking upwards as though he was wasting her time before divulging what he really needed to tell her.

'Good, good,' he said absently. 'You don't want to let you sugar levels drop at the moment, it'll make you more likely to feel dizzy. Anyway,' he continued, as though he had delivered his obligatory berating, 'the other results on the haematology and biochemistry profiles were normal.'

She looked at him then, her eyebrows scrunched closer together in confusion. 'So?' she prompted, sitting up a little straighter in the chair.

'So I ran a few other basic tests. There are sometimes simple things you can miss if you don't think to look for them.' He held out a sheet of paper towards her and she warily leant forward to retrieve it from his hand. 'Ran it twice,' he informed her as she scanned the writing, 'just in case it was a false positive.'

She stared at the single word, spelt out in capital letters, the realisation of what he was referring to slowly dawning on her.

'You're pregnant.' He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and gave her a slight shrug, keeping his voice even when he spoke and continued with his patented bluntness. 'Congratulations.'

XXXXXXXXX

Kara's heart rate had doubled within the space of half a second. It was like she was sitting in a bubble of isolation, accompanied only by the doctor's words, and she shook her head slightly as though trying to sort through the thousands of questions that were suddenly swimming inside her head.

'Are you sure?' The question came automatically, more as a desperate attempt by her mind to deny what her ears had just heard, rather than because she really believed what he was saying was wrong. She looked at him and saw an almost imperceptible nod. Cottle had seen a myriad of responses from women receiving the same news, so he wasn't surprised by her reaction. Her brow was furrowed in concentration before her eyebrows rose quickly. 'The test must be wrong,' she said with hope. 'I wear my patch every day.' She turned in the chair until her side was facing him, pointing over her shoulder to the current patch stuck in position, as though visually proving her claim. Cottle just stared back at her, with an unconvinced expression.

'Kara, like I told you, I ran the test twice. I wouldn't just drop this kind of news on you if I wasn't sure.' He could see the crushed look in her eyes. 'Anyway, I suggest you stop wearing those now – the hormones can interfere with the pregnancy.' Kara's eyes dropped until they focused on the thin wisps of smoke that trailed from the cigarette tip, her mind only half-listening to the rest of what he was saying as he continued discussing further tests and what she should expect. She was currently more interested in understanding how what he had told her was possible and was only roused from her reverie when the room became silent again. She looked up at Cottle and saw the smallest hint of fatherly support in his aged face. She had seen him often enough since her time on Galactica, mostly through injury – whether self-inflicted or by accident – rather than illness, and she silently welcomed his understanding. 'You'll be fine. You just need some time to think things over.'

She stood then and turned to make her way out, already trying to think of what she was going to do next, and she was almost out the door before Cottle called out to her: 'Kara.' She stopped mid-stride but didn't turn around. She could hear the firmness in his voice as he relayed the warning, and her stomach fell when she realised the implications. 'You know you can't get back in that viper.'

XXXXXXXXX

The hallway seemed suffocatingly crammed with people who passed by in a blur of colour and a mumble of voices. Kara bumped into several of them in her daze, with no attempt to apologise, instead focused on getting as far away from an audience as possible. She somehow made her way back to the bunkroom to find three of the other pilots chatting, and was suddenly aware of the thin veil of nervous sweat that encased her. She resolved to head to the shower room and hastily grabbed her things and was on her way again before anyone had a chance to engage her in conversation.

The hot water flowed over her skin, and she willed it to wash away her concerns along with the sweat. She turned the shower on full, revelling in the stinging feel of the hot beads digging into her flesh, the roar of water surrounding her helping to block her thoughts. She reluctantly turned the tap off after five minutes; despite feeling as though she could have stayed for hours, years of military regulations had engrained a sense of being frugal with commodities. She was working on automatic-pilot, drying her body with the thin, white towel then crudely running a comb through her wet hair. And she had already peeled a new patch from its backing before she realised what she was doing.

'Frak,' she announced out of habit. She started to replace the patch onto its backing, and as she concentrated on the task, she noticed a small line running along one edge and examined it more closely. She could now see that the line was actually a neat cut through the sticky underside of the patch and she pulled at it until she could see could see a gap emerge, peering into the space. The small square of material that contained the hormones had been removed. She flipped the patch over; it was impossible to see any difference from a normal one, unless you knew where to look. Her mind raced in an attempt to decipher her finding. She threw the patch down and grabbed the next one from the box, only to find the same alteration. She put her hand over her shoulder and pulled at the patch she was wearing until it came free and studied it, with the same result.

She dropped the patch on the sink in front of her and stared at her reflection in the steam-hazed mirror. _This can't be happening._ The feeling of nausea threatened to overcome her again and she swallowed deeply, trying to remain calm and think clearly. It was not the kind of fault that could be explained away as a production error, given the intricacy required. And the fact that there were multiple ones only added credence to Kara's suspicion that someone had deliberately rendered the patches useless. She wondered if she was the only one; she hadn't heard of any problems from anyone else. Then again, she had only just found out herself. _Why would someone do this to me?_ And then she noticed something: the glint of light bouncing off a single bead of water that trickled down her bicep, over the ink that marked her arm. She brought her hand up to delicately run down the length of the tattoo; she didn't want to believe it, but the more she thought about it the more convinced she was. Her mind had suddenly bombarded her with all the vague hints that Sam had let slip, the way he always seemed to trace his fingers over her torso in fascination, the night he told her they would be bonded forever as he kissed his way around her belly-button before continuing his journey downwards at her insistence.

Her breaths were coming in shallow gasps as she tried to subdue her intensifying shock and anger. Did he have some twisted notion that this would make her feel compelled to stay with him? Surely she had been clear enough in her words and actions about her stance. She looked down at her abdomen which still looked relatively toned but she wondered how much longer it would stay that way as she hesitantly rested her hand against it. _Frakking asshole. _She stared back at her reflection, feeling a little more in control now that she had someone to blame and she neatly placed her possessions back in the bag and finished dressing, leaving the shower room with a sense of purpose.

XXXXXXXXX

The unmistakeable sound of a pyramid game greeted Kara's ears even before she sauntered into the room. She leant against the frame of the hatch, her arms crossed as she saw Sam's muscled arm rocket the ball into the goal. Seelix had her hands on her hips, her head hanging in defeat.

Sam's hands went up in triumph before he gave his opponent an over-confident grin. 'Better luck next time.'

'It must have been the crap coaching I've had,' she threw back at him. 'Best of five,' she offered.

Kara slowly made her way further into the room, still unnoticed by the two players. She edged closer to Sam from behind and moulded herself to his back, wrapping her arms around his waist as she stood on the tips of her toes until her chin was able to rest on his shoulder and she whispered into his ear. 'Hey, Sammy.'

He turned his head to grin at her. 'Just in time to witness my victory.'

'Sounds like perfect timing, then.' She shot him a mischievous grin. 'You got time to celebrate?' she asked, pushing herself a little harder against him.

He quickly turned his head back to Seelix. 'I'll have to take you up on that offer later.' He grabbed one of Kara's hands and started leading her out of the room. 'It'll give you some more time to practise,' he shouted over his shoulder.

Kara was trailing behind him as she dosed out some advice. 'Double-fake while he is still in his cocky mode after scoring. You'll get him every time.' She only just had time to notice the grateful grin on Seelix's face before she was pulled around the corner.

They were only a few steps down the hallway before Sam stopped abruptly and turned to face her, pushing her against the wall, his mouth hungrily exploring her lips. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart where his chest pressed against hers, could almost feel the adrenalin still coursing through his veins. She clamped her hands around his face, pushing his head back and he didn't try to fight it, but he kept his body firmly against hers, his pupils dilated and his breathing rapid.

'Not here, Sam.' She looked up the hallway as though investigating their options and by the time she turned back to face him, she could see a hint of wariness in his eyes so she gave him a devilish grin while her hands grasped the front of his shirt. She moved her head towards him and ran her tongue across his bottom lip with excruciating slowness, prompting him to move one hand behind her head to hold her as he tried to deepen the kiss but she pulled back before he had the chance. 'This way.' She clasped his hand that had been resting on her hip and guided him along the hallway until they reached the firing range.

She quickly scanned the room, satisfied that they were alone and began to close the hatch with the knowledge that the sound-proof room would ensure privacy. Even before she had a chance to turn towards Sam, she felt his lips against her earlobe and his fingers possessively snaked their way under her tanks until his large hand came to rest, almost completely covering her belly. She felt her stomach flinch at the sensation and she quickly twisted out of his grip, elbowing him in the ribs in the process. He stumbled backwards a few steps, caught off-balance by her unexpected move.

'Don't touch me.' The furious look in her eyes made Sam's playful smile vanish immediately.

'What is going on, Kara?' he asked, accompanied by a baffled expression.

Sam knew she liked to play rough, but there was no underlying suggestion of a game in her actions this time. She dug around in her pocket as she approached him, her head tilted downwards slightly, which caused her brow to cast an ominous shadow across her eyes. Sam suddenly felt like a desperate animal trapped by a predator who was slowly going to finish its mission.

'I know what you did,' she spat out, slamming one of the patches hard against his chest until he moved his hand up to catch it as she let go.

'What are you talking about?' he questioned before even having a chance to look at what he was holding.

'What right do you have to make that decision on my behalf?'

Sam looked down at the patch, a strange sense of familiarity washing through him, and a medley of images flashed through his mind, though too quickly for him to decipher them. He shook his head slightly and looked back up. 'Kara, I have no idea what you are going on about.'

A disbelieving laugh passed her lips. 'I'm pregnant.' She tried to judge his reaction, but all she could see was a look of genuine surprise. 'I guess you got what you wanted.'

She kept facing him as she walked backwards towards the exit. He took a few tentative steps forward as her hands worked on opening the hatch behind her back. 'Let's just talk it over. I'm sure we can sort things out,' he pleaded.

Kara cut short his hope with the menace in her eyes and venom in her voice. 'If you come near me again, I'll make you wish the cylons had gotten to you on Caprica before I did.'


	8. Chapter 8

The hangar bay was almost empty, but Lee noted a pivotal viper was still present: Starbuck's

The hangar bay was almost empty, but Lee noted a pivotal viper was still present: Starbuck's. He was going to let the rotation she had missed yesterday slide, but as he glanced at his watch, his annoyance was compounding; she was making a mockery out of him. He had let several possible altercations fade in the last six weeks, because it had seemed easier than having to face her in a battle of wits, but her recent behaviour was bordering on blatant disrespect; the respect that he had worked hard to regain from the other pilots since his reinstatement as CAG, and he would be damned if he was going to let Kara pull one of her stunts.

He began searching the most likely areas first, even asking people along the way if they had seen her, and then, once that idea failed, resorted to just checking each room he passed. His frustration increased as every place he looked came up empty; he was beginning to entertain the idea that she may not even be on Galactica given the amount of area he had covered without sight of her. He was about to give up when he had an inkling of where she might be: the brig. He knew that there was no one being incarcerated there at the present time, and with the reclusiveness and self-loathing that seemed to be Kara's favoured temperament lately, he knew she would find the oppressive atmosphere sympathetic to her mood.

The cell door was open and Lee could see her figure through the bars as he made his way into the room. She was sitting against the back wall of the cell with a full bottle of whiskey resting on her stomach, aimlessly rocking it and watching as the liquid sloshed up the sides of the bottle, hypnotised by the movement. It was a pathetic image, yet Lee couldn't help but feel a little self-righteous that his prediction had been correct. He walked closer, until he was standing just outside the bars. If she was aware of his presence, she was doing a superb job of ignoring it.

'You obviously had something more important to attend to than your official duties.' His voice was laced with sarcasm, his mind struggling to contain the pent up rage that was eager to be let loose. 'Good to see you have been spending your time productively.' His head gave a pointed nod towards the bottle, but Kara did not look up. He made his way into the cell and stood patiently for a few seconds, just watching to see how she would react, but all he noticed was her knuckles whitening as she clutched at the neck of the bottle.

'Every good pilot knows that no matter what else is going on in their life, flying has to be their top priority.' She looked up at him for the briefest moment when he said that, giving him one of her what-would-you-know looks, before deciding she wasn't going to challenge the statement. She closed her eyes for a second, as though trying to escape the encounter, before her head resumed its previous position and she was once again gazing into the amber depths of the alcohol.

'Kara, you know that very few have the skill and the...' Lee faltered as he tried to find the right word, '_privilege_ to fly a viper.' He was pacing the cell, burning some of the energy his anger was creating. 'And at the moment you are treating that privilege like it is your gods-given right.' He couldn't see her face behind the veil of hair that it hid behind as she stared at the floor, but her silence only fuelled his tirade, as though what he was saying wasn't even important enough to warrant a response.

When he realised that shouting at her wasn't getting him anyway, he decided to try something else, surmising that attacking her sense of honour was where it would hurt her the most. He slowly made his way towards her until he towered over her, then crouched down and grabbed the top of her shirt, pulling her to her feet until their faces were only inches apart and inwardly cursed that scolded demeanour that she had perfected. She wouldn't turn her eyes towards him, even as his voice softened its tone. 'You know you are the best pilot Galactica has. Don't throw it all away.' He could see her swallow deeply, pleased to think some of his words were having an effect on her. 'So I don't know what shit you have to sort out, but I want to see you back in that cockpit.'

He let go of his hold on her shirt and took two steps backwards, waiting to see if she would follow his lead. 'I can't.' Her voice was uncharacteristically weak.

Lee tried to maintain his superior officer mode. 'I don't want to hear that kind of talk, Captain.' He tried to keep a firm stance, but then he saw her bottom lip begin to quiver the smallest fraction and it was enough for him to immediately be concerned.

She took a deep breath and looked up, her dark eyes portraying her vulnerability as she fought back the tears that pooled on her lower eyelids. 'I'm pregnant.' A single tear from each eye finally teetered over her lashes and slowly rolled down her cheeks. Lee felt like he had had the wind knocked out of him; his mouth hung open slightly in disbelief and his eyes blinked several times as his brain tried to process the information. He heard a sad laugh escape from Kara as she watched his reaction. 'Surprise.'

She sniffed as she ran the back of her hand across her cheeks, smearing the shiny streaks that had formed there and began lifting the bottle, reverting to her familiar defence mechanism. She closed her eyes as the bottle touched her lips but soon winced when it knocked her teeth as Lee smacked it out of her hand. The bottle spun in the air a few feet before shattering on the hard floor, glass and alcohol dispersing from the point of contact.

'You can't drink that,' he scolded automatically.

'It's okay, Lee.' A resigned smile tried to make an appearance. 'I'm going to get an abortion.'

It was almost too much for Lee to take in at once: too many questions, too much information, too many feelings. 'You can't do that, Kara.'

'Don't make me feel any worse about this.' There was a haunting determination to her statement. 'I've already decided.'

'That's not what I mean.' Lee's breathing was getting faster as the intensity of the moment kept increasing; he knew that her predicament would have come as a shock to her and he was devastated that he was going to crush the one glimmer of a return to normality to which she was clinging. 'I mean it's illegal. Remember? The President passed new laws after Caprica was destroyed.'

He didn't need to say any more, it had all come back to her. She stood frozen, her breathing even seeming to halt, and a few seconds passed before new tears began forming. Lee watched with distress as her face crumpled and she brought her hands up to cover her eyes, her resolve beginning to abandon her. He had never seen her so helpless, and, despite the horrors he had seen throughout his life in the military, the image scared him more than any wartime encounter. This was a situation for which he had no training or back-up plan, and it left him sharing in her feeling of hopelessness. She started to slide down the wall and he reached out and pulled her towards him, her face still hidden behind her hands. She made a half-hearted attempt to push him away, to continue on her lonely journey into self pity, but Lee knew this was one of the times that he needed to persist. He maintained his supportive grip around her shoulders as he felt her body shake each time she sobbed silently and he couldn't think of anything to say, so he just kept holding on to her. He moved one hand up to rest on the back of her head, sure that he could feel her body relax the tiniest fraction, and then he felt her arms shift until she was gripping onto his officer's jacket as she buried her face in his chest, letting the material draw the tears away from her eyes. Any resentment that he had been harbouring evaporated in that instant, and he couldn't help but share her vulnerability when she clung to him as though he was her last link to stability amongst the chaotic world she had been thrown into.

XXXXXXXXX

They sat on the floor opposite each other, the silver stain of dried tears still tainting her cheeks. Kara glanced at the area still splattered with the alcohol that was yet to dry. 'This serious conversation stuff is a lot harder when I don't have a drink in my hand.' She gave Lee a wry grin, and he mustered a sympathetic smirk in response. Her eyes looked upwards as she shook her head slightly. 'The pilots are going to have a field day with this.'

Lee could slowly see the false smile beginning to fade as her mind wandered back to her situation and how enormously it would change her future. 'Don't worry about what everyone else will think,' he assured her. 'It's not like you ever have before, so why should you start now?' She seemed to take little comfort from his statement, despondently shrugging her shoulders, and he sighed as he saw her response. 'Don't think you have to go through this alone. The people who are important to you will be there to help.'

'What, like _you_?' she asked, the question oozing with cynicism, and she immediately regretted the words. Despite the recent elusiveness of their relationship, the underlying bond they shared had resurfaced, and the fact that she even doubted his sincerity made her despise herself even more. It wasn't like she could blame him for keeping his distance after what she had done, and now that he was trying to unashamedly repair the damage, she was vilifying him. She bit her bottom lip, as though punishing it for allowing the comment free passage to hurt one of the few allies she had left, and she looked down at her hands as they rested in her lap; it was her way of saying sorry without having to actually utter the phrase.

Lee cleared his throat, and she was grateful that he was going to continue as though the last statement had never been spoken. 'I'm sure Sam will make a good father.' He was trying desperately to find anything that would make her future seem a little less daunting, but he realised his intentions were fruitless; even though her head was tilted downwards, he could see enough of her features to deduce the change in her mood. 'He _is_ happy with the news, isn't he?' he asked warily when he saw her reaction. He wasn't exactly friends with Anders, but he had always thought Sam's loyalty to Kara seemed indisputable.

A glare of resentment clouded her eyes. 'I don't care what he thinks. This whole frakked up situation is his fault.'

Lee was caught off-guard by her outburst and nervously rubbed his hands together. 'Have I missed something?' Even though they hadn't had a meaningful conversation since their confrontation in the supply room, he was sure that any major news would have filtered its way to him somehow. He could see her considering his question, an internal debate raging over how much she should reveal.

'You know I never wanted this, right?' It was a redundant question, but Lee just nodded in encouragement anyway. She licked her lips and gave a regretful shake of her head. 'Well, Sam apparently took it upon himself to take the decision out of my hands.' The confused look that Lee was giving her was perfectly understandable, so she continued filling him in on what had happened: the altered patches, the subtle hints Sam had kept dropping, his persistence in them staying together despite the way she had treated him over the last several weeks. She looked at him when she finished relaying the story, her soulful eyes boring into his as she awaited his reaction.

Lee was shocked by her accusations, but the story seemed too detailed and intricate to be a lie. Her feeling of being betrayed seemed to emanate from her, mixing with anger and uncertainty until it formed an almost tangible aura within which she was trapped. Despite her body being trained to hide fear, Lee could discern the insecurity in her eyes and although only a few moments of silence passed, it felt like an eternity, as he tried to comprehend the implications of what he had just heard. He was sure that deep down, she knew that she could rely on him, but he also knew she would never ask for help. It was all part of that unspoken communication that flowed between them; the looks they gave each other that portrayed more than words ever could. He slowly stood, her eyes following his movement, and it wasn't until his hand reach out towards her did her focus falter. She gazed at his outstretched arm for a few seconds, relieved at his show of support, but still battling her long-held reluctance to accept the offer, as though it was the ultimate form of weakness that her mother had warned her about since she was a child. Her hand tentatively moved towards his, hovering above his fingers for a moment before changing tack to grip around his wrist, still hedging her bets that the gesture could be construed as needing physical help rather than emotional. She felt his fingers lock around her wrist and then the pull of his hand as he helped her stand.

'You can't hide here forever,' Lee started, trying to lighten the mood a little. 'People are bound to notice the lack of smart-ass comments floating around and come looking for you.' A small smile emerged on her lips. 'Come on,' he said, with an encouraging nod of his head as he turned towards the cell door.

Lee was only just able to discern the minute squeeze of Kara's fingers as he went to pull away, but it was enough to make him stop. She released her grip on his wrist when he looked back at her. 'Thank you, Lee.' He was surprised by the openness of her statement, and gave her a warm smile. She took a resigned breath. 'Well, I guess it's time to face the music.' She unconsciously looked down at her belly.

Lee's eyes copied her action, his head tilted slightly to the side. He couldn't notice a bump, even through the tanks that closely hugged her body. 'You could get away with it for a while,' he surmised. 'But I guess it will be obvious soon enough.' He had little experience in the world of pregnancy, and his brow furrowed as he spoke. 'So how far along?'

'Not sure. Doc said something about an ultrasound next week.' She screwed her face up slightly as she tried to think back to what Cottle had said, finding it difficult to recall the details that had been lost amongst her bewilderment at the time. 'He doesn't think more than eight weeks, maybe six.' The sentence ended abruptly, as though her brain had just deciphered the implications of the statement.

'Six weeks?' Lee was already reaffirming the announcement as Kara's wide eyes looked up to meet his, and she saw him swallow deeply after he had spoken, as the situation multiplied in significance. The question hung in the air with teasing aloofness as they stared at each other.

She hadn't even considered the possibility until now, too consumed by revelling in self-pity to think clearly. She only managed to utter a few words as they both looked back down at her stomach. 'Oh my gods.' At this moment, they seemed as good as any to implicate for the predicament.

After all, Fate had always seemed to like playing games with them.

END.


End file.
